I recently read a blog about a black athlete with a new reality show where he's "looking for love." The controversial part of this is that he dismissed the sisters immediately. Rumor also has it that he didn't even want the sisters on his show to begin with and asked that they be released before the show went to air. No surprise there.
What I found hurtful and irresponsible were the men who posted comments in support of this and in their justification, made a lot of bullshitty comments about black women.
They stated that only black women have a problem with interracial dating & marriage. Oh really?
Lots of people; black, white and striped have a problem with it. Don't blame black women for that. Next, they call black women who want to date & marry athletes 'gold diggers,' along with a few more generalizations about ALL black women.
I'm gonna take a moment to exhale here before I start.
Okay.
How can ANY man, let alone a black man even TRY to speak about what black women feel, experience and want. We are individuals, so how can you lump us all into one group and label us in that manner?
I'll tell you what I've experienced from others in general when it comes to being a black woman; hate, betrayal, deception, disloyalty, blame, pain and lack of appreciation. I've also experienced love, joy and hope. I'm no victim, not by any means, but I happen to believe that black women are the most disrespected people on the face of this earth. A big reason for this is that [some of] our own men do it. That makes us an easy target for everyone else. We have few who will defend us.
Back to the subject. I have no problem with interracial dating and marriage. I wouldn't even be here had my ancestors not dared to fall in love and marry. I've dated outside my race too.
Here is MY problem; some of the black men who only date non-black women have a chip on their shoulder about it, so they justify their 'preference' by disrespecting black women.
Why? If you are satisfied with your choice, then why defend it at the cost of degrading your own race? Why defend it at all?
Not taking full ownership of your choice is the problem here!
You don't want to date or marry one of your sisters? That is your choice, but don't make it our fault. That is your bag to carry.
Next, the gold digger comment.
What woman, black, white or striped doesn't want to marry a rich man? Why is it that most of the time, black women receive that label?
We aren't worthy of having a rich hubby?
We aren't supposed to live well?
We aren't supposed to want to have a comfortable life?
I also question the reason SO MANY black men, especially rich black men, serial date or marry white women? It seems like they equate their own worth with what society views as worthy. Status maybe?
True love is a beautiful thing and I'll welcome it no matter what color he happens to be, but I will NEVER sell out my beautiful black brothers.
This subject is controversial, no doubt and there are bad apples in all races and both genders, but speaking as a black woman, I've had to fight 3x as hard for everything I have and want. Jobs, pay raises, promotions, respect from my co-workers are things I have to fight for because no matter how qualified I am and no matter how educated I am, I still have to deal with racism, but fighting the disrespect from my own brothers is something I shouldn't have to do.
I remember stories handed down through my ancestors about what happened to the women in our family during Slavery, Civil War, The Reconstruction, Indian Schools, Civil Rights Movement and more. Black women could be beaten & raped by a white man at any time and she would be blamed for it. Black women were accused of 'casting spells' on white men and deemed as sex-crazed creatures that white men were unable to defend themselves against. Our black men were beaten or killed if they dared to defend us.
Those stories hurt. They will always hurt.
So when [some] black men who date non-black women open their holes and spout logical fallacies that send us right back to what our ancestors had to endure, it hurts us. There's a difference in that hurt because they don't HAVE to relegate us, but they CHOOSE to do it anyway. They CAN defend us, but they CHOOSE not to.
Why do we have to pay such a high price because YOU have a 'preference?'
Thank you ancestors, thank you for being strong enough to endure, brave enough to accept the consequences, loving enough to stand together and smart enough to know bullshit when you hear it.
I'm out.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Help Meet
Okay, so I DON'T know everything.
A recent conversation with a close friend introduced me to the term 'help meet.' I asked what it meant and I thought he was kidding me at first with his answer. I thought it sounded like some outdated archaic law that may or may not have been part of the original Bible. My backbone stiffened up and I refused to bend, but I wanted to understand my friend, because he's not the type of person to say things like that in a joking or derogatory manner.
Sooo, I went to Google and I found Genesis 2:18;
Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I make
him a helper suitable for him."
It didn't immediately hit me but it's sinking in now what he meant.
Have we really grown so far into independence that we think we can be alone? Why would we want to be alone? I'm not saying that we lower our standards or anything like that, but we were not meant to walk this life alone, right? I get it now.
I get that the years I spent alone, thinking I didn't need a man was wrong. I DO need that man. Women need men and Men need women, there's no weakness or shame in admitting that. I get that all the hard work I'm putting into this career change won't be half as gratifying without someone to share that success with. I really had to stop and put my own swagger in check.
I'm a 40-something year old single woman, never married. Many of those years I never lifted my head up to see what was there. I was determined to succeed even at the cost of never being in love or being married. As I get closer to to my goals, I see how foolish that was.
Nothing is a colder reminder than flying in from a 6 wk. trip abroad and there's no one there to greet you at the airport, no one holding up a sign with your name on it, grinning and waving, no one to hug you and tell you how much they love and missed you. That is the loneliest, most emptiest feeling and something I never want to feel again ever.
So we have Women's Lib? Women's Rights? Equal Rights for Women? All good things, heck better than good, great things, but did the definitions become subjective?
What is wrong with being a help meet? It entails being everything we want to be for our men anyway, does it not? Help meet doesn't equal doormat or a woman being subjugated by her husband.
I want to support the man I marry in any way I can, I want to be the reason he goes out each day and grinds, I want to be the reason he comes home everyday, I want to be the reason he can get up and deal with whatever problems come our way, I want to be standing right next to him and when necessary, behind him, I can let him be a man, I want to rub his back and kiss away the worry lines across his forehead, I want him to know that I will never abandon him, I want to have his back no matter what and I want to be with that man for the rest of our days in this life.
I don't believe in '50-50.'
Some days it will be 60-40, 70-30, 80-20 and 90-10.
Isn't that what it's all about? Sacrifice, harmony, love, trust and mutual respect for one another?
This is my confession and I gladly give it over to fate.
I'm out.
A recent conversation with a close friend introduced me to the term 'help meet.' I asked what it meant and I thought he was kidding me at first with his answer. I thought it sounded like some outdated archaic law that may or may not have been part of the original Bible. My backbone stiffened up and I refused to bend, but I wanted to understand my friend, because he's not the type of person to say things like that in a joking or derogatory manner.
Sooo, I went to Google and I found Genesis 2:18;
Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I make
him a helper suitable for him."
It didn't immediately hit me but it's sinking in now what he meant.
Have we really grown so far into independence that we think we can be alone? Why would we want to be alone? I'm not saying that we lower our standards or anything like that, but we were not meant to walk this life alone, right? I get it now.
I get that the years I spent alone, thinking I didn't need a man was wrong. I DO need that man. Women need men and Men need women, there's no weakness or shame in admitting that. I get that all the hard work I'm putting into this career change won't be half as gratifying without someone to share that success with. I really had to stop and put my own swagger in check.
I'm a 40-something year old single woman, never married. Many of those years I never lifted my head up to see what was there. I was determined to succeed even at the cost of never being in love or being married. As I get closer to to my goals, I see how foolish that was.
Nothing is a colder reminder than flying in from a 6 wk. trip abroad and there's no one there to greet you at the airport, no one holding up a sign with your name on it, grinning and waving, no one to hug you and tell you how much they love and missed you. That is the loneliest, most emptiest feeling and something I never want to feel again ever.
So we have Women's Lib? Women's Rights? Equal Rights for Women? All good things, heck better than good, great things, but did the definitions become subjective?
What is wrong with being a help meet? It entails being everything we want to be for our men anyway, does it not? Help meet doesn't equal doormat or a woman being subjugated by her husband.
I want to support the man I marry in any way I can, I want to be the reason he goes out each day and grinds, I want to be the reason he comes home everyday, I want to be the reason he can get up and deal with whatever problems come our way, I want to be standing right next to him and when necessary, behind him, I can let him be a man, I want to rub his back and kiss away the worry lines across his forehead, I want him to know that I will never abandon him, I want to have his back no matter what and I want to be with that man for the rest of our days in this life.
I don't believe in '50-50.'
Some days it will be 60-40, 70-30, 80-20 and 90-10.
Isn't that what it's all about? Sacrifice, harmony, love, trust and mutual respect for one another?
This is my confession and I gladly give it over to fate.
I'm out.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
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